I think I had a mental breakdown. And here’s what I did about it

Plus, why I'm taking life lessons from Buster Moon (aka the koala from the film Sing).

“When you've reached rock bottom, there's only one way to go, and that's up!” Yes, I am quoting Buster Moon, the koala from the film Sing. Seeing that I spend a significant amount of time watching children’s television, it’s no surprise that I’m tuned into the underlying life lessons featured in the shows (plus, I love Matthew McConaughey, who voices Buster).

I think I had a slow-burn mental breakdown. If you google “how do I know if I’ve had a mental breakdown?” (which I did), a number of symptoms come up that I recognised in myself. I’m not telling you for a sympathy vote. I actually wrote this a few months ago now, and wasn’t going to share at all. But then I spoke to two friends of mine, who recently had similar experiences, and publishing this felt like the right thing to do.

What does someone having a breakdown actually look like?

I’m sharing because I feel it’s important to speak openly to raise awareness that people can suffer in all kinds of ways for all kinds of reasons. It also got me thinking: what does someone at breaking point actually look like? How does someone act when they’re having a breakdown? Because it’s the same old point we’ve seen time and time again (but it’s always worth a reminder) - you can’t always visibly see when someone is struggling. They might not have a public meltdown or one defining moment of emotional outpouring. You might not even fully recognise that you’re having unhealthy emotions in yourself.

Burning out slowly

I’m calling mine a slow-burn breakdown as it’s not like I had a massive episode and that’s where it’s started and ended. Well, actually, I did have a panic attack when my husband accidentally locked me in the car, and I couldn’t get out while the car alarm was going off. It’s been a series of events over a long period of time, and the car alarm incident was the catalyst for everything to come out. My mind was full, and my body reacted.

Not wanting to let the side down

Being a parent means there’s no time for you to have your own meltdown. This is also the challenge of being the boss - you can’t let the side down. You also don’t feel you deserve to break down when there are others worse off than you. And you feel guilty thinking your actions could negatively impact those around you. But if you don’t try and recognise the signs in yourself and attempt to improve the situation, it will become a vicious cycle, and your own car-alarm scenario could occur.

Dusting yourself off

Now back to Buster Moon. The reason why his (I’m smiling as I keep referring to the cartoon character as a real person - the comedy value isn’t lost on me) sentiment resonates with me is because, ironically, after reaching rock bottom, I have been able to re-find focus. And that’s why I wanted to share what helped me get there, in case anyone is feeling even remotely overwhelmed right now. These are the small things that have helped me get back on track:

Giving myself space from the things that are making me stressed. I get this won’t always be possible, and there will be things that you can’t control that make you unhappy, but if you can walk away from something making you feel bad, then you should do it.

Proactively focusing my thoughts on the things that make me happiest and actively counting my blessings. Taking time to focus on what I’m grateful for in my life.

Putting my time and energy into tasks that make me feel positive. Writing this brings me joy, amongst other things, so that’s where I’ve been allocating my time.

Trying to dial down my inner self-critic. Reminding myself that me not firing on all cylinders is still pretty good.

Talking to people and telling them how I feel. This helps, because if people know, they can make allowances.

Keep going. Just keep working through each day, and over time, each day felt a little bit better.

As always, I’m here if anyone needs a reminder that they’re doing their best.