Stop doing what doesn't serve you

From being gaslighted to feeling overstretched or stressed, business can be an emotional endurance test

I currently have a situation where I am being made to feel like I am being unreasonable. I’m sure at times, I am. But, you know when you just know you’re not? You know when you’ve really thought about it long and hard and inside your gut you know it’s not you, it’s them.

When I first heard the expression ‘gaslighting’ I rolled my eyes like I usually do when I hear a new term that I automatically presume has been created by the media or teenagers. And whilst I’ve since learnt that it’s actually used to describe coercive control (which of course is no joke), I do think it’s a word that encapsulates well that feeling of when you know someone is making you feel like you’re losing your mind.

How do you handle gaslighting in business? Confronting said gaslighter in any situation I tend to feel doesn’t work. The thing is, everyone usually thinks they are right. And telling someone, no matter how many times and in how many different ways why they are in fact wrong, often is a waste of time and energy. In my experience people rarely end up seeing your point of view, as they will always come at the situation from their own angle, as we justify our own thoughts, feelings and actions to suit our own agenda. Who likes being wrong? But… does there come a time when you do need to stick up for yourself? Do you sometimes need to say when someone is making you feel upset or annoyed so you can have a better business (or any) relationship? Personally, I think picking up the phone can work wonders. 10 minutes to chat, to humanise the person and situation you are dealing with, to explain it from all perspectives can really help. Most people are not arseholes. Most people have their reasons for doing what they are doing. And, even if once you’ve talked, you don’t get your own way, at least then you can fully understand the context and it makes it easier to move on.

This isn’t the first time I’ve felt gaslighted in business and I doubt it will be the last, but I really do wish it didn’t upset me quite so much. A lovely colleague of mine used to joke about how some people are like teflon, and that just isn’t me. I’ll think, I’ll let my thoughts fester, which as well as being a pain sometimes, I also think is a strength and why I can make things successful. There are so many emotions involved in business and I’m definitely learning or trying to better handle them all.

What I realised last night, is that by winding things down with the brand, I’ve actually achieved something very positive. I have eradicated a lot of the business that doesn’t serve me. When I had this realisation I also resolved that I am going to try and eradicate every part of the business that doesn’t serve me. You might think that will be impossible - I’ll have to keep you posted.