People are so nice. I think I might be addicted to IG, and admitting feeling jealous
A confessional
Is it ok to want to slap your Uber driver for smacking his mouth loudly when chewing gum? Just one of the many questions I’ve been asking myself this week, probably because in true founder fashion, it’s been a mixed bag of one.
I was at QVC on Wednesday and it was a long day - arrival for 7am and departure at 9pm. While I was there I encountered four (well actually more) of the most lovely women, who left a lasting impression on me. All of them were just so nice. Not just nice people, actually directly nice to me. They all gave up their time, gave me their advice, and without any agenda, were really kind.
So why is this kindness worthy of discussing? Well, a few things occurred to me:
Some people are just instinctively nice, and when on the receiving end of said niceness, faith in humanity can be momentarily restored (which in itself is nice too).
Women are great humans who like to support each other (despite the stereotypical narrative).
Saying positive thoughts out loud can really build people up. I am definitely guilty of thinking things and not verbalising them in the moment. So, I’m making a mental note to self - say them more often.
People don’t want to gate-keep, so take all the free advice you can get (from those in the know). You don’t have to act on it, but always listen - it could be helpful.
I feel like I need to admit that Instagram is becoming a problem. I’ve managed to avoid addiction for all these years and so I’m pretty devastated that I suddenly seem to be dependent on my account. For years I’ve had multiple work and personal accounts to view and create content for, but it’s only been this that year it feels like it’s an issue.
I wonder if it’s because I’ve been feeling a little lost - am I am using it as a distraction, or, somewhere to find answers? Either way, I don’t feel like it’s doing me any favours. It’s wasting my time and leading me to compare and despair, so I’m aware I need to make a conscious effort to cut back. Perhaps I need one of those phone safes? Or perhaps I need to get some willpower?
Whilst I’m admitting to things, I want to confess one more - I’ve been feeling jealous lately. ‘Jealous’ feels like a dirty word and is uncomfortable to admit. But I do find myself being jealous of people. I’m not concerned with their stuff - I don’t covet more material things, wish I could swap my house for a mansion, or my husband for a celebrity crush - I’m content with my life. But I do find myself jealous of people’s success. I’ve mentioned before that success to me isn’t signified by financial gain, rather it is the pursuit of a feeling about reaching a level of achievement (although the longer I go on, the less I know what the finish line looks like). And when you don’t know where the end is, how do you know when you’ve arrived there? This is the issue. I feel like I’m not successful enough. So, when I see someone else reaching a level of success that I feel merits a high level of reward and praise, then I feel jealous. And torn, actually. Because I feel happy for them too. I don’t not want them to be successful. I also don’t want me to have ‘it’, and them not. I just want the trophy too.
Maybe jealousy isn’t such a dirty word, maybe it’s a natural feeling for the ambitious? I think because fundamentally I’m a nice and satisfied person, perhaps I can feel it and let it drive me - who knows?! Either way, I think being honest with yourself is important, because lying about the feelings or thoughts you are having - even when they might be negative - will just leave you feeling guilty, so better to face up to it and accept that you’re only human, can feel a whole host of things and still be a good person.