One week, all the feels

From toddler rejection to overwhelm and imposter syndrome, founder life is not for the faint hearted

Being a founder is a rollercoaster of emotions, and the past week has been no exception.

You really do pay the cost to be the boss

James Brown was not wrong. One thing that I don’t reflect on often is the personal costs I feel for being the boss. When my six-year-old was a toddler he refused to call me Mummy and called me “Baby” for at least a year (I’m not even joking), and always seemed to veer towards my husband. When my second son (now two) was born I put a lot of pressure on ensuring that this didn’t happen again, as although I used to make light of it, it hurt me deeply. So, I tried to assert myself as his primary care giver from the moment he was born and for the first year of his life I do feel like we had that dreamy bond you hope for when giving up your body to produce another human. Now at two, he’s started shouting at me “No Mummy” whenever I try and do, anything, and my husband is present, demanding that “Daddy do it” instead. I’d be lying if a part of me didn’t find that heart wrenching every single time. I’m no psychologist, but I know there is likely some logical, toddler related reason for this behaviour and that deep down we have both an unbreakable bond and immeasurable amount of love for each other. But, there’s always a small part of me that wonders if it’s my fault? Is the reason I am being rejected in this way because I live in a 50/50 household where I don’t care for my children any more than my husband, and maybe sometimes slightly less? And the reason for this, is because my work is such a significant priority in my life?

It’s the small things that count

This week my skincare brand received a ‘highly commended’ for our Filthy Faace face + body bar in a well-known magazine awards and that made me really happy. Yes, awards are basically a waste of time because we can’t afford to use the accolade in our marketing, but I love this product. It’s a really affordable, cool looking and nice to use product. One that’s been part of my face and body cleansing routine since it launched, so I’m a genuine big user and fan. This was short lived as I opened a new bar this morning for my shower routine and saw that it was discoloured and without fragrance (it’s supposed be bright lilac and smelling delicious). Like all handmade, natural products, there’s always the chance that you’ll have the odd one that goes on the turn (but now I’m thinking that those couple of customers who complained and we had to re-send to recently weren’t just being annoying at all). And it’s a rubbish feeling knowing that your brand and your products that you’ve poured your heart into, aren’t reaching your customers in the way they should be.

Credit: The Industry Beauty Live at the Hoxten Hotel, London

Good old Imposter Syndrome

The feeling that plagues me. I’m usually ok in panel situations but this week I was invited to speak alongside some epic brands - like honestly the brands you dream of becoming - and I couldn’t help feeling I was out of place. I just got on with it and did it, so I didn’t let imposter syndrome beat me, but it is disappointing when it rears its ugly head.

Overwhelm

I experience overwhelm a lot. A tight feeling in my chest that appears, telling me that things are about to get overwhelming. I rarely move onto the more intense feeling of complete overwhelm (this comes usually once every six months, where I have to lock myself away and cry for a few minutes until I can maintain composure). I put a lot of importance on staying calm and collected. Probably too much. If someone else loses it – gets upset, angry or whatever I don’t think I’m very judgmental, in fact I’d like to think that I understand we’re all only human and sometimes blow up. But, I don’t offer myself the same graces. 

In case it’s helpful, here’s a few things I like to do when I am feeling overwhelmed:

1 – Make lists with a strict criteria. I can spend time focusing on what’s there in front of me, not what’s actually going to make me feel better and also, that will benefit the business the most (the two tend to be the same). So, if I am feeling a bit lost, then I like to start lists asking myself those two questions – is this benefitting the business and is doing this going to make me feel better about the way things are moving? If the answer is yes to those questions, they are the tasks that make the list.

2 – Setting realistic workloads for timeframes. Simply giving myself a set of tasks that will take the amount of time to do that I actually have available in which to do them. If I have four hours, then four hours’ worth of work gets added to the list, and no more.

3 – Taking myself into a new situation. I don’t do well switching off, so there’s no point me taking myself off to do something else, but I do find it helpful to take myself to a new location to work.

4 – Talking about it. I find it helpful to let people know how I’m feeling. You can’t expect people to be mind readers and I just think in general, people are more understanding if you let them in. I don’t think it’s useful to dwell, as you don’t want your negativity to takeover, however, a brief mention of how you are feeling, good or bad, can help people make allowances or give them the opportunity to help you.

5 – Remember it’s only a temporary feeling and that it will pass. You have to have faith in the process, belief in the bigger picture of what you are trying to achieve for your business. Reminding yourself of that regularly, helps. And reminding yourself that you showing up, and giving your 60-80% is actually good enough. Who says it’s 100% or bust? That’s just a rule we make up for ourselves, but just showing up, being present, and trying your best that day (even if that sits around the 50% mark) is totally fine. Think about what you expect from others and show yourself the same kindness.