Entering my slow year: why it’s ok to not set any new year goals

And when death anniversaries are draining

I’m back. I’m sure you’ve been waiting in anticipation (wink). Truth be told (why am I hearing Gavin and Stacey’s Nessa when I say that), I didn’t know how to kick off my 2025 writing. Unlike last year, when ideas were flowing, I seem to be experiencing writer’s block. But I know why.

New year pressure

I’ve been feeling the pressure to bring something compelling, which is a very January-ey feeling indeed. It’s the “new year, new you” plague. That sensation that you must start the year as a better version of yourself than the one from the previous, and I don’t like to feed into this notion at all. You doing you, old or new, is just fine in my book.

I don’t like January very much. No shit Sherlock, I hear you say, but for me, January carries more than the usual blues – it’s the month when my dad died. After a very merry Christmas and a pretty happy new year I lose my way for a while. It’s a feeling of impending doom that sets in and means that I can’t help but re-live one of the worst times in my life.

The exhaustion of grief

This is why I haven’t been writing, because it’s mainly just grief that’s playing on my mind. I can hold it together enough to do fine at work and be a good enough parent, but then after that I’m spent. Grief is shattering.

Every year I miss my dad more, so in some ways it actually feels worse as time goes on. It’s strange because you’d think missing someone would feel the same all year round. But it’s the flashbacks from his death - unexpected and vivid- that make the anniversary the hardest part.

I feel angry at this time of year, angry that he’s missed out on even more. Not violent like I want to punch a wall or scream into a pillow. It’s a lingering feeling of always-on anger, which is what makes it so draining.

I had a real sense of renewed purpose at the end of last year. I was excited about selling one business and dedicating my full attention to another, which makes it all the more frustrating that I haven’t kickstarted the new year with the energy I’d hoped for.

Slowing down this year

But maybe we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves? Navigating mixed feelings around grief with the pressure of new year renewal reminds me that not every January has to be about big impact resolutions. Maybe we should just place a little bit more focus on being kind to ourselves instead?

I’ve seen a lot of articles, and my general feeling is that 2025 is going to be the year of slowing down. From rejections of fast fashion to burnout culture, I think we’ll see a even more of a move to living a slower paced existence and I’m all for it. Which is why I don’t want to pressure myself with new years resolutions (or doing dry January).

I am still a new year cliché - I’ve started new vitamins (Tonic X in case anyone’s wondering - I’ll report back), and I’ve kicked off my fitness routine with a subscription to ten-minute daily workouts with the lovely Emily Williams (I probably won’t report back there as like other people’s dreams, I find listening to other people’s workout tales pretty dull).

Looking for a nice and happy 2025

While I’m in a negative headspace now, I know it won’t last. Lived experiences of dealing with grief over the last eight years reassures me that it will pass by February. I’ll always be ambitious by nature, but instead of setting rigid goals for 2025 I’m focusing on feeling good day-to-day – which can be underrated.