Are entrepreneurs narcissists?

Knowing when to listen, loneliness and my 6 year old is smarter than me

How do you know when to listen?

I feel like some of the mistakes I made early on with the business were down to me listening to other people. Now that’s on me. Nobody intended to give me bad advice and all of the advice I’ve ever been given, I feel like came from a good place. But it’s easy when you’re all shiny and new to something (business/parenthood/whatever), to listen and take everything on, literally. It meant I spent more money, wasted time and lost focus. It’s easy when you are working every available hour to think you are doing your best. But what I have learnt is the importance of two things. One – using the hours on the most important things and two – choosing those things based on what I feel they should be (not someone else’s influence). I don’t think I always get it right, but being more in control of your time and your focus feels more comfortable, especially when things go wrong.

Having said all of that, I absolutely don’t think I know everything. In fact, where running a brand is concerned, I only know what I’ve learnt along the way, and I am desperate to know more. Learning, growing, developing was precisely why I started a brand in the first place. And I think listening to people, sharing tips on what to do, what to avoid is really useful. Which is why you’ll often hear me talk about the benefits of networking, mentorship and growing a likeminded community around you. But it’s knowing what to do with people’s advice. My best advice, ironically, is to soak up everything like a sponge, but then let it settle. Then when there does come a time for you to make a decision, you’ve got everything in your locker to make an informed one. Most importantly avoiding knee-jerk reactions, when someone tells you that doing this or that, is going to solve that or this. Because believe me, it probably won’t.

Are entrepreneurs narcissists?

I was amusing myself this week with the thought that all entrepreneurs are narcissists. Before you gasp in outrage, I don’t really mean we all actually have narcissistic personality disorder, but, I do think there must be some egotistical side to our personalities to be able to keep going. If you don’t believe in yourself, how can you ever expect to make your business work?

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve met lots of different entrepreneurs and we all spoke in brief about our current situations and future plans. The thing that struck me is that there is always this common thread. Every single entrepreneur believes that their business is going to work. It doesn’t seem to matter how successful your business is - whether success looks like you raising in the millions or being regarded in the highest esteem - it’s a turbulent journey and quite frankly a lot of work. So nobody with a lack of determination or self-belief could run one, well not even a little bit successfully anyway.

Note being alone, but feeling alone.

No matter how many colleagues, or how many friends you have, no matter how good your partner is, or what support network you have around you, it’s lonely running a business. 

You can’t ever truly open up to anyone, and as someone who is instinctively open and honest (some would probably say too honest) I find that difficult.

If people ask how it’s going, you want to give them a meaningful answer, especially as you’re appreciative that they are showing an interest. But if things aren’t going that well then you don’t want to come across negative, depressing them with the inner failings of the business, especially when they’re only asking as they’ve seen the latest shiny new accolade you’ve chosen to share on social media. And if things are going well you don’t want to seem boastful and cocky, especially if last week was a car-crash, then saying things are brilliant (this week), seems disingenuous. But equally, they’re only being polite, not there to provide you with therapy, so a succinct answer is essential. The point is, you never really get to let people in. 

Ultimately, you are the one who has to make the big decisions, you are the one who has to deal with the daily micro problems (not sure if that’s a thing but I’m going to use it, as it’s like micro stresses - individually they’re nothing much to handle but when they pile up into a mountain then the climb feels significant even overwhelming). And that’s all on you. Daily issues or big decisions. You, in your own head trying to figure it all out. Never really knowing if you’re making the right choices.

This week I was reading a book to my six year old son about bugs. One of the facts was that “cockroaches can have millions (or maybe it was billions) of babies”. To which he said, “I bet that’s hard to look after”. I felt seen.